The Humane Society of the Milky Way

Summary: The day to day aboard the Humane Socety.

Rating: G

Note: Based on a prompt I actually gave someone else but who then prompted me to give it a go, and I couldn’t resist.

The Humane Society of the Milky Way

Saving animals across the galaxy since 2121

Starship class White Star

Jumpdrive capabilities, cloak shield, EMP missiles for defense purposes only.

~oOo~

Paid Positions Available:

Vet tech

Tech assistant

Giant Grok wrangler

Admin assistant

Transporter Assistant

Director of Psychic Communications

Jump Drive mechanic

Navigator

~oOo~

From: X’rotz M’don, Director of Volunteers

To: Everyone

Message: We are in need of volunteers in the following areas:

Spay and Neuter Clinic from seven to one.

Aquatic life-form tank cleaner from two to five (scuba diving certification required)

Aquatic life-form feeder (no scuba certificate needed)

Pevarian Mot kennel cleaners and walkers (training required except for Pevarians).

~oOo~

From: Jenny Myers

To: X’rotz M’don

Message: We are in serious need of volunteers for the gygoriat kennels. Those things defecate more than zakas and zakas crap every two minutes.

To: Jenny Myers

From: X’rotz M’don

Message: We may just need to break down and switch the gygoriat Blue-Spider Chow for the Red Spider-Chow. We’re having a similar problem with the gelks and they should only be deficating once a week. I’ll talk to Gaan about working it into the budget.

~oOo~

From: George Kell, Administrator

To: Everyone

Message: Just a reminder to deny adoptions to the Fre’et Hunting Guild unless the adoption is for Fre’et hunting hounds only. If you are unsure whether or not a Fre’et is a member of the guild, Da’ain and Ge’een know the Hunting Guild salute, which a Fre’et Hunter is duty-bound to respond to.

Please do not attempt to learn the salute on your own. It is incredibly complicated and requires four limbs and a tail. Injuries have been known to result from attempting the salute.

~oOo~

From: X’rotz M’don, Director of Volunteers

To: Everyone

Volunteer position open in feline isolation from one to four. We would prefer Joxies not volunteer for this position, as we are currently low on anti-contamination suits. While we know the hives Joxies receive from cat dander is harmless, they do tend to emit a rather unpleasant odor.

~oOo~

From: Jetsi, Director of Admissions

To: Clinic Staff

Attachment:

Message: We’re going to need a DNA test on this one. We can’t decide if it’s an earth cat with a deformity or an oddly colored Katiica tree cat.

~oOo~

From: George Kell, Administrator

To: Everyone

Message: It’s that time again. The bi-annual All Creatures Great and Small fundraiser. This year it will be taking place on the Ice Mountains of Praxus Two. Our theme will be Winter Wonderland for all the thick-coated animals out there and Jev Snow Beasts. We’ll need cold-weather capable volunteers for this one. Thermal suits will be provided for any of our warm-climate races wanting to participate, but they are limited.

If you would like to volunteer, a sign-up sheet can be found in the lounge.

~oOo~

From: Hees Ja

To: Meagan McDonald

Message: Ack! I did not sign up for the fundraiser fast enough! They ran out of thermal suits!

From: Meagan McDonald

To: Hees Ja

Message: Yikes, sorry to hear that. I may know someone with a thermal suit you could borrow. Barring that I also know that the next fundraiser’s going to be on your home planet – on Fire-Sands beach, I think 😀

From: Hees Ja

To: Meagan McDonald

Message: That makes me feel better *paw-gesture of happiness*

~oOo~

From: Dr. Zorata, Clinic

To: Jetsi

Message: We’ve been getting a lot of pregnant Scy Spiders without fully distended abdomens. We may need to have Kessi or another Traxian sniff for pheromones to determine if a spider may be pregnant. Those little et ez as are a pain to catch once they come pouring out of the egg pouch.

~oOo~

From: X’rotz M’don, director of Volunteers

To: Everyone

Message: There’s been some concern about Mkeel Mammoths coming in with Yota Beetles attached to them. This is perfectly fine and natural. Yotas are not parasites but symbiotes that ride Mkeels to a new destination while ridding the Mkeel of dead skin cells and parasites. Should you find a Yota detached from a Mkeel, simply leave it and a staff member will find a place for it in the insect kennel.

~oOo~

Volunteer Handbook

Rule 23: When in doubt about which end is the creature’s mouth and which end isn’t, give the animal a treat and watch which orifice it puts the treat in.

Rule 24: Do not whistle around the following animals. Hlkxs, Boondas, Je Monkies and Oona cephalopods. The first three become highly agitated around high-pitched noises. The latter will interpret it as a mating call.

Rule 25: Do not take more than one dog for a walk.

Rule 26: Do not take less than two Furriets for a walk. It will not move unless accompanied by one or more of its kind. Those with multiple limbs are encouraged to walk as many Furriets as possible.

Rule 27: Only Gredians, Lossians, Humans and V’t’rem may handle Lyssomas, as they are immune to the Lyssomas’ paralyzing spray. If paralyzed the Lyssoma, though small, will attempt to cocoon you in self-defense. Should you be hit with the spray, the affects can last up to two hours without the anti-spray.

Rule 28: Refrain from foul language, curses and oaths of combat and blood-letting around the Ma’akaka. They will repeat everything you say word for word and in your voice.

Rule 29: Do not remove cats from the kennel unless in a carrier.

Rule 30: Do not remove Eems from the kennel unless they are securely attached to you.

Rule 31: Do not remove a lxlxl from the kennel without first allowing it to take your hand inside its mouth. It is not trying to eat you, it’s merely sucking some of the salt from your skin.

Rule 31: To remove lxlxl saliva you will need to soak you hand in a mixture of warm water and braxta soap for two minutes. Do not visit the Eyeeta kennels four two hours after handling a lxlxl.

The end?

(Probably not)

Note: the cat in the image is my cat Pip, who was born with deformed front legs that bend inwards so that she always looks like she wants to arm wrestle. She gets around just fine, though, and has no trouble jumping and getting up to mischief with her adopted older sister, Pepper.